Tuesday, September 28, 2010 . 4:31 PM
Today had a very meaningful day!HAHA!
It's Pearlyn's birthday today!
HAPPY BITRHDAY TO HER! :D
Our plan eventually succeeded.
BEST part was Pearlyn was really touched
HAHA!
Well, had a meaningful conversation with Ms Lee and D& T Mr Tan today
Ms Lee told me lots of poly stuffs and their life
I really learned a lot of things from him
Mr Tan also told me many things..
I've really learned a lot from them today...
HAHA!
Well, life is REALLY LIFE!
How REAL reality is... at least I got to understand a little more bout it today :)
I've also realized smth important today...
It doesnt matter whether if you like that particular person or not
Whether is he or she gd or bad..
You dont have to criticize how bad that person is
If that particular person is REALLY as bad as how u always thought of
Then he or she would also give off the same msgs to the people around him
If the people surrounding that person also felt the same way as you do, they would also leave that person eventually
You dont have to pretend to be the angel, making people to detest or dislike that person
Gossips... Hypocrisy... all are unnecessary.
People who criticizes others are not always right anyway..
Cos they themselves arent that great either :)
Monday, September 27, 2010. 10.15pm
I guess I could forgive you that easily...
But forgive doesnt mean that I'm not angry anymore...
Though it was alrdy the past, but I'm still not done with you if you ever hurt any of my beloved friends...
What you wanna do with your life, will be your business from now on
I'm not going to bother you anymore
You have your own rights to choose for urself
But we will still remain as friends :)
Even though u are totally unaware of anything since the beginning
it doesnt really matter at all
Yes, you've hurt me
I wasnt happy either... so what?
All this doesnt matter...
What matters is that I could see clearly how the way things are happening between us now
What I've come to understand...
I've woken up
And I'm grateful :)
For you, maybe its some mistakes that you can improve on in ur own character :)
Maybe I was right, you're still maturing
but your childishness and insensitivity doesnt matter to me
Cos I wasnt acting like myself either for the past few months
This is how we created our own individual life chapters
Whatever misfortunes that happened doesnt really matter in the present
Cos its alrdy happened and cannot be undone, so just let it dissolved into the past
Every new beginning is the start of a new day
I've learned to forgive and forget...
naturally I've also learned to let go.
Life is just full of surprises, ups-and-downs, contradictions...
It's more than meets the eye...
That's what makes life interesting :)
Her voices... Where her HEART is...But forgive doesnt mean that I'm not angry anymore...
Though it was alrdy the past, but I'm still not done with you if you ever hurt any of my beloved friends...
What you wanna do with your life, will be your business from now on
I'm not going to bother you anymore
You have your own rights to choose for urself
But we will still remain as friends :)
Even though u are totally unaware of anything since the beginning
it doesnt really matter at all
Yes, you've hurt me
I wasnt happy either... so what?
All this doesnt matter...
What matters is that I could see clearly how the way things are happening between us now
What I've come to understand...
I've woken up
And I'm grateful :)
For you, maybe its some mistakes that you can improve on in ur own character :)
Maybe I was right, you're still maturing
but your childishness and insensitivity doesnt matter to me
Cos I wasnt acting like myself either for the past few months
This is how we created our own individual life chapters
Whatever misfortunes that happened doesnt really matter in the present
Cos its alrdy happened and cannot be undone, so just let it dissolved into the past
Every new beginning is the start of a new day
I've learned to forgive and forget...
naturally I've also learned to let go.
Life is just full of surprises, ups-and-downs, contradictions...
It's more than meets the eye...
That's what makes life interesting :)
Saturday, September 25, 2010 . 9:00 AM
OVER.Just an end of a story, yet another new beginning...
Yea.
Now I knew everything.
It was really what we actually heard
It's heartbreaking though, but life still goes on.
Many thanks to the people who've given me advice
I know its hard to get over him now.
But I will... someday and soon.
Meilin was right, "天涯何处无芳草，何必单恋一枝花？"
there's so many guys out there in the world
Better than him million of times
Why should I still admire over such a worthless flower like him?
It was really my mistake.
I've been playing the "fool" all these while
Thanks for treating me specially, I appreciated it.
I've learnt my lesson.
Well, thanks sooooooo much to all my friends who've consoled me too
Especially Edward.
He really is a good listener :)
And oso to Meilin and Marcus today!
I really love u guys!
Thanks a lot for being there for me while Fang Tian was away for these few days
I am much much better now :)
Though there is still a big hole inside me
I'm fine.
My inner self was right, I still dont really know who he IS
It was my mistake.
He was in actual fact, not the person that I expected him to be
That's why it dealt me with such a big blow...
Now I fully understand.
YOU werent right, and I wasnt fully wrong too
It's not because I dont deserve this at all
It's becos YOU arent worth for me at all!
MSG TO LLHX:
I believe maybe one day...just someday you'll eventually get to read this...
All I wanna say is:
Thanks for the days when u made me feel so special
I thought you knew what I meant by "studies comes first"
I thought u would have the patience to let me fully embrace you
I thought you were different from other guys that I've met so far
More sensible, more responsible...
I always used to think that my world only revolves around you...
However, after knowing that u having a "someone" , right aftr me
I realized I was wrong.
YOU proved me wrong.
Though you left ur marks here unknowingly...
It was troublesome enough for me to clean it up for you
But I was grateful enough for the rubbish you had left for me
If it werent for these rubbish, I wouldnt have known that the world actually revolves around the whole universe
Life is more than what you ever thought or expected
I'm not silly enough to wait for you neither am I to stay put.
I just appreciate what you felt for me
If it werent for you, I wouldnt have learned such a vital lesson :)
As long as we're still alive, life still has to go on...
You'll eventually find someone better than me, someone suitable for you, someday...
While I'll return back to whom I used to be...
Stronger... and better :)
Her voices... Where her HEART is...I believe maybe one day...just someday you'll eventually get to read this...
All I wanna say is:
Thanks for the days when u made me feel so special
I thought you knew what I meant by "studies comes first"
I thought u would have the patience to let me fully embrace you
I thought you were different from other guys that I've met so far
More sensible, more responsible...
I always used to think that my world only revolves around you...
However, after knowing that u having a "someone" , right aftr me
I realized I was wrong.
YOU proved me wrong.
Though you left ur marks here unknowingly...
It was troublesome enough for me to clean it up for you
But I was grateful enough for the rubbish you had left for me
If it werent for these rubbish, I wouldnt have known that the world actually revolves around the whole universe
Life is more than what you ever thought or expected
I'm not silly enough to wait for you neither am I to stay put.
I just appreciate what you felt for me
If it werent for you, I wouldnt have learned such a vital lesson :)
As long as we're still alive, life still has to go on...
You'll eventually find someone better than me, someone suitable for you, someday...
While I'll return back to whom I used to be...
Stronger... and better :)
Friday, September 24, 2010 . 3:50 PM
What is this feeling?I wonder too...
Pain?
Numb?
Or relieved?
Freedom?
Carefree?
Or Lonely?
What happened yesterday seems like a decade to me...
Somehow I was being asked to forgive and forget...
It seemed like nth happened to me...
Yet there's always this person whom I dont wanna see every time in class...
Maybe I didnt wanna accept the fact now...
I'm avoiding ...
Kept listening to soothing and relaxing music...
What am I now?
Maybe u are right, cos I dont think I deserve it at all...
Her voices... Where her HEART is...
Thursday, September 23, 2010 . 7:20 PM
Depressing. Disheartening. Demoralizing.So what when u have one of the above qualities
You must let ur tears have their own freedom?
So what when ur heart is torn into pieces
I'll have to let all my expressions took over my face?
So what when its smth beyond ur control
You have to gave way and shut down?
So what if I'm having all these 3 qualities now..?
SO WHAT?
I'm not pathetic like other ordinary girls.
Thanks to all ur words!
You thought I didnt know anything?!
I've hrd them all...
I knew u knew I was eavesdropping
Yet u were honest enough to declare
Now I'm clear of where I am standing in ur place...
and I'm glad enough to know
I was naive after all
you eventually proved me wrong after all
Thanks to you, I'm experiencing it again
This time round, I wont cry
Cos my tears arent worth enough for you to fall right out of my eyes
No wonder Jennifer left u becos she couldnt stand u like the way I was
I always thought we could be more than just friends
But I guess we really are suited to be just friends.
I used to think that we would somehow sort out some ways in the end eventually
Looking at the people around me, one by one having another "someone"
I thought opportunities would just pass by one day
Yet I'm actually saying "So SWEET" to Matthew when we were watching Marcus walking her gf home again.
I guess you made me wanna give up
So what if it bring us happiness?
Which what many claimed it is true...
SO WHAT?
I believe it does bring happiness, but there WILL BE conditions
Conditions that u have to sacrifice for
I guess you werent even prepared yet
I'm the one who've been taking it this seriously all this while...
I'll be okay.
I can survive
Just take it that I'm being too sensitive...
being TOO overconfident bout myself.
TIRED~
It doesnt make gurantees at all
So why should I bother even?
Not anymore... and I wont. Her voices... Where her HEART is...
Tuesday, September 21, 2010 . 4:17 PM
Hypocrites.It's been appearing out of no where somehow...
Everyone is a hypocrite.
It's something you cant deny.
Sometimes u eventually became one of them, u might not even notice.
Eventually, the truth would come to light one day...
Who might be one of them...
Nobody knows...
When the time comes, everything would naturally go according to flow
God is fair.
Time is also fair.
Becos time is a gift by god.
Haha... ^^
It all just depends on how u wanna treat things the way they are.
What matters most, is still the heart
Whether u wanna clean it daily
or just let it rot day-by-day
Up to ur choice :)
Wrong judgment?
It's okay.
A life lesson learned...
Whatever answers that satisfies ur needs
Go ahead.
Becos its something u have lost, not me.
Her voices... Where her HEART is...
Friday, September 17, 2010 . 10:34 PM
BALANCE, LOVE , LIFEI realized 2 is much enough than 3 of it
For me, I can obtain Love.
But its also not a necessary condition in my life.
So what if u did better than me..?
YEA? SO WHAT?!
That doesnt mean u are ALWAYS better than me?!
Do u even know the big difference between "smart" and "nice"?
I'm just nice, not smart
Cant u tell the difference?!
So what if u ever once in your life get to date a "SUPER SMART" girl...?!
SO WHAT?!
Is that part of my home affairs?
Do I even look like I at least care bout her?!
So what if studying with SMART people benefits u damn much?!
SO WHAT?!
So u could start despising the people around u?
And show how great u are?
Let's say I'm just being too unrealistic
Let's just say I'm too imaginative and innovative
Always seeking for perfection, a perfectionist
I was wrong.
I was disappointed, not only then, but now too...
somehow I haven't been breathing fresh air
Somehow I cant see the blue skies anymore
everything is so out of control
Especially my emotions.
What I wanted to do is still way too far to fulfill.
Maybe becos of the trainings that I've adopted these few weeks
That made me have my own beliefs
I could no longer live in their generation
Somehow, I've moved on
Something more important is coming for me on my way
Well, initially an individual, always ended up as an individual.
Independence, I seemed to have forgotten you.
Maybe I'm being too absurd right now
I'm tired... very, please~
My confidence level has been pulled down by someone whom I treasure the most
The most disheartening thing that he left me
How nice it is.
It's okay.
I'll pull through somehow...
I just need to find my way back to who I am initially...
Her voices... Where her HEART is...
Tuesday, September 14, 2010 . 8:38 PM
Yesterday was indeed a special day...Meilin and I came late for English lesson
Ended up sitting beside him.
I wasnt feeling good actually.
Though I offered him a sticky candy
Yet I was feeling exhausted, dwelling in melancholy...
Back from school, headache finally fall upon me
It's gd enough that I managed to watch an Eng film to de-stress myself
That night was the night I'll always remember
It was a night that I eventually ended up crying in front of my family members, my father and my sister
I knew I had to cry
Because that's the main reason to why I'm having my headache
I felt like vomiting...
I was thinking if I could vomit out...
That would even made me feel better
It was pathetic.
It's been long ever since I get to cry like that
That was the most heartrending state the I ever gone to but yet was comforting enough
It's a new record that I've ever broke in my whole life.
The longest time I've ever suppressed my sad feelings, that just went exploded in just a few mins
It wasnt good at all
Neither am I.
Today brought swollen eyes to school
I knew I couldnt run away from Meilin's eyes
Fang Tian knew it too
But she didnt say a word
My eyes are obviously swollen
they looked sad in the morning when I woke up
I was shocked to see it too.
The first time my eyes got so swollen because of tears
Yet I was really happy, smiling away this morning
Contradicting arent I?
Aftr last nite's comfort frm my sis, who listened to my cries the whole night
I am fine now.
Feel much relief and lighter
I think he too, sensed smth was wrong with me
Though he didnt said anything
Yet I guess he knew smth wasnt right about me
Last nite aftr my tears
I dreamt I visited his hse again
I guess I'm being too wishful for his comfort and consolation
I didnt want to bother bout him now
I guess it was a little over the line
I'm trying hard just to treat him as my good friend
Its good enough if he's just happy by himself
instead of brooding over worthless things that he shouldnt be
which is none of his business
Having so much pressure, I'm sure many of my friends knew the reason why
It was indeed a tough subject
I could have chosen POA instead
Yet I didnt.
It will be filled with full of challenges and also struggles as well
Yet I still chooses Art as my subject
But one thing for sure is that I've never regretted taking this subject
I was grateful instead
Grateful because it made me knew what REAL pressure was
Grateful because it made me realized the importance of how other subjects meant to me as well
Grateful because it made me understand why I should do well for my English
Grateful because it made me discover my own talents and passion for Art
Grateful because I had wonderful teachers guiding me and teaching me things that I never knew
Grateful because it made me who I am today
Though there will still be more struggles to pull through in future
I know what is coming soon for me
But it's okay
I'll pull through, even if its hard...
Since its inevitable, I shall enjoy the process to the fullest then!
Her voices... Where her HEART is...
Monday, September 6, 2010 . 10:05 PM
GREAT! NOW YOU ARE STARTING TO SPOIL MY DAY!OR AM I JUST INFERRING TOO MUCH?!
I dont know what I've just said to you on last thurs
But I'm not depressed becos of what you did
Maybe I'm thinking too much, maybe u arent talking bout me aftr all
But no matter how i read through it MANY MANY times
and I tried really hard to read between the lines
My instincts still tells me that u are referring to me..
Yea.
You shouldnt expect so much frm me
I'm not as "smart" as u think
Now u're finally starting to get what I mean?
Good!
It's okay
It's disappointing I know
I alrdy expected it.
And HOW THE HELL DO I KNOW WHY YOU'RE UPSET?
I DONT DO MIND-READING!
I dont read minds!
And I dont know how!
So dont always assume I always know what u're thinking!
I alrdy dont know what u're thinking since from the start!
So dont even tried starting such games with me!
Whatever it is...
I'm tired.
是啊，是时候抛开一切了
不喜欢，不是你想象中的那么美好...
都行！
我已经不管了
没有力气跟你玩到底..
And I'm gonna prove u wrong!
I'm gonna show u that u're gonna take back ur words! Her voices... Where her HEART is...
This is the first time I wrote more than 100 posts in a year.The few previous blogs that I have, those posts that I've posted were only up to 99 the most
This year really marked a new record
And it was INDEED a special year...
It just feels like not many ppl online recently to me
Though there are many people onlining in my MSN
But it seems like no one fun online these few days
Facebook is BORING now
It all seems just so quiet
I see no point to come online too
Online is boring to me now
Well, gotta off
I have to catch up with the others
I've been slacking behind
Dont look forward to my next post!
Her voices... Where her HEART is...
Sunday, September 5, 2010 . 9:55 PM
Today went to his hse for some dog-taking sessionsLOL!
It's for my art actually :)
Yea.
I took a few of it.
I went with M & Ms to his house.
And had deliciously fun time there :D
HAHA!
M & Ms = Matt & Marcus ^^
Tired now~~
Real tired.
Keeping dogs isnt easy
Still have to take care of them, their hygeine, their meals...
worse was, have to entertain them
Draining whole lot of energy out from me!
Somehow, I felt rather sad and happy
HAHA...
happy because I had my final answer, and a clear one :)
and
Sad because I have a feeling that we would eventually continue being friends in future...
Its okay if my hopes and anticipation just disappear into thin air
Even if its gonna be disappointing...
I still wanna carry some hopes...
Tired alrdy~
I have to chiong arh!
I needa do well for studies right now.
Or else I'll be punishing myself again!
Off to choing art!
Hopefully my whole prep finishes by tmr!
Her voices... Where her HEART is...
Thursday, September 2, 2010 . 9:33 PM
Once again I've watched Dal Ja's Spring, a korean drama that I've finished watching long agoIt's a motivating korean drama
And I love it very much!
Never gets bored even if u watched it many times over and over again
The ending was...
as expected, a happy ending :)
Haha! Sweet!
Watching random episodes and skipping to the last episode
Made me realized something
Something realistic enough...
This 'feeling' that I have for someone else right now, is this the 'so-called' as "love" that I'm always referring to?
Does it even qualify to be called as "love"?
Looking from reality perspective
It looks more like 'puppy love' to me, or to sound better still, 'crush'
It's more of "I like..." rather than " I love..."
Yet I could still be so imaginative, thinking bout useless and stupid things that are predictable enough
I guess I havent been too realistic recently
Well, prelims are over
expectantly disappointed.
its okay
I wont give up just becos of the marks
There's still hope no matter what, unless I've really given up on trying
Just for the sake of the last month, I'll push myself forward no matter what!
Her voices... Where her HEART is...