Sunday, November 7, 2010 . 7:02 PM
Dont understand and I dont wish to understand.Yea, I know I've done the worst thing to him today.
Do u think I even feel good about it?
Purposely posted up that wall in facebook for him to see... testing if he really cares bout it
Wanting to know if he really minds it...
What am I doing?
Yea. I know I'm an idiot and I'm sure he's super upset now :(
If I could, I wanted to apologize to him
I wanted to tell him:
"I'm sorry. I didnt invite you.
But before that, before they even came to my hse to study...
I was always thinking, 'If things werent so different now, will you be coming along with them to my hse to study?' "
I couldnt bother bout him anymore now
I cant.
He doesnt know, that there's still a someone thinking of him
trying hard to forget him, yet couldnt completely forget
He doesnt know, and he'll never know.
It's okay.
Not knowing anything, then so be it
Knowing too much like me isnt that healthy either :(
I guess I'm thinking too much again
He's alrdy decided to forget me and went looking for her
So why am I still stuck here?
I should be looking forward them.
He's alrdy decided to move on, and liking someone else
and never regretted to came back
What's wrong with me then?
Alrdy decided to forget, alrdy decided to let go
Why am I taking back my words again?
Is being friends alone just so hard... ?
I wonder how long am I still able to hang on...
A broken heart 3 years ago... by some stupid jerk
Mending and treating for almost the nxt 2 years later
I thought this time round would be different
I hesitated initially, but through many encouragements
and decided to give it a try, but I guess I was wrong all the while...
What for bringing it up again since they're alrdy the past?
I'm an idiot arent I?
And I'm tired of playing with him now.
Always foolishly thinking that the person he's referring to was me, yet it was not.
Why should he talk about me?
I guess I'm really thinking way TOO MUCH...
I know what I did to him just now was really wrong.
Just hate me. Hate me for all you want.
and if it's possible, forget me.
I know I deserved this
I'm the one who started this first, so just let me be the one to end all of this...
Thursday, 4th November 2010. 10:23AM
Well...
I've been thinking and thinking...
What makes me like him so much?
What makes me felt so hard to let go of him.
I cant really see clearly now.
Yea. What makes me like him so much?
It makes me wonder...
Because he likes me?
Infatuated?
Physical appearance?
The way he teases you?
Or Sympathy?
I really dont know...
But somehow, my heart is accepting the fact thaqt he doesnt likes me now.
I guess its becos of sympathy, that made me like him so much now
I think I know now.
I think I know why now.
The way he does things to me, the way he talks to me
The way he calls me... everything somehow felt a little agonizing
a little shy and a little awkward
The way he said things to me felt a little warm, it made me felt happier :)
Everything felt right like the way it was.
But somehow... his actions was warning me
Not to start assuming things again
Why would he told his friends himself?
Why would he say out that he's with someone?
That he's alrdy with someone.
On his own accord.
Without anyone asking him in the first place, without anyone forcing him or threatening him to spill everything out in the first place...
"What you do speaks so loud that I cannot hear what you say." - Ralph Waldo Emerson
I guess this speaks everything.
I've been figuring out why my heart isnt accepting the facts
But it seemed like things are changing now, though my heart is still accepting the truth, but not yet complete
Really disheartening...
It feels truly terrible...
25th Sept. I could still feel it.
Even though it doesnt seem to hurt so much now, but somehow there's still some marks left within...
It's okay.
He wouldnt understand.
I wont blame him for everything.
Cos he doesnt even know a single thing...
The person that I'm most curious about.
The person that I appreciate the most all along
The person that I'm most concerned and worried about
The person whom I'll always look out for first in the crowd
The person whom I'll always noticed his every actions when he's around me
The person who made me wanted to do things that could make him feel happier
The person who made me felt determined to change his life into a better one
The person who made me wanted to teach him and share everything that I know
The person who made me had such thinking all the while...
All in just one decision, gone without a trace.
I guess I was just thinking way too much.
Yea. What does he know?
He doesnt know a single thing, and he will not.
After typing so much, up till this day
I didnt want him to do anything for me anymore
Nor do I wanna wish for anything from him or request for anything from him
Just spilling out how I feel now
I know maybe someday, just someday, he might be reading this or smth
I just have a feeling he might get to read this one day, and realized how I actually felt all these while.
Yea.
He might have broke my heart
He made me felt real upset, disappointed
but it's okay.
What's happened has already been happened
I dont need to be consoled, nor encouraged.
I just wanna move on.
You're right. I've not totally forgotten him now
It's hard to forget someone
It's hard to let go of him, but I know just someday I will...
I will be able to forget and let go of him completely
When the time comes, it'll be when u started noticing that I wasnt mentioning anything about him at all
That'll be the time when I've completely forgotten bout him
And I'll smile gracefully at the sky above me again :) Her voices... Where her HEART is...
