Wednesday, November 24, 2010 . 5:46 PM
Finally, prom was over.After so many events happened this year
Finally decided to take a photo with HIM.
He looks nice on his outfit.
Smart-looking, and was full with confidence
The first time I ever felt like this about him.
A different, yet fresh image of HIM.
After what I've seen him writing about prom in Facebook
I finally understood who he was talking about now
I guess it was me after all...
So my heart knew the answer all along...
I came across this:
You can close your eyes to the things you do not want to see, but you cannot close your heart to the things you do not want to feel.
So what if it was me after all..?
So what?
Before prom, I realized that I was in a similar situation with my sis
We have found someone that we like, that we wanna treasure
But becos of some things that happened to us
That made us change our own perspectives...
In the end, until now...
We still choose to leave, choose to give up on the one that we want to treasure the most
Not becos that we dont like our HIM anymore
We do still like our HIM...
But just becos of the many little things that made us feel tired, or rather hurtful?
Tired of it, tired of waiting, tired of trying.
And we're trying hard to let go of them
I'm not really sure of my sis's situation and how she feels now..
But for me, I just wanna maintain the way things they are and they should be
Being just friends with HIM now is much more suitable and comfortable between us
I'm still learning to let go.
Letting go doesn’t mean giving up, but rather accepting that there are things that cannot be.
And I've came to understand this:
"You don't need strength to let go of something. What you really need is understanding. "
"Sometimes you have to let go to see if there was anything worth holding on to."
It's not about how hard I tried not to think about HIM.
It's about understanding why, why do I have to let go of HIM.
At first I thought its becos of unfaithfulness, how I always thought that he'll always be there
But HE proved me wrong.
Then, it was then stubborness, becos of what HE did, that I never wanted to accept him again, not even wanting to become his friend anymore...
I hated him for all he has done.
Not wanting to accept the fact that he's gone.
Avoiding. Escaping. Hating.
That's the most to what I've been doing all along.
Have been seriously thinking over, and over again
Kept questioning why and why and why all over again...
Have been going around asking for reasonable reasons...answers...
Yet I couldnt find the answer to why HE eventually did that.
As a saying:
Time heals all wound
It was never wrong.
I had enough time to sort out all my feelings, emotions, thinking and to the most unreasonable question
It doesnt really matter to me now
Why did he do that? Why did he left?
Why was he like that? Why does he want to treat me this way?
What makes him to leave me alone here...?
So what if I get to know all the answers now?
It doesnt really bothers me anymore.
Tired of seeking, tired of knowing.
When I tried so hard to fulfill some things, yet it doesnt always turned out as expected, it just shows that sometimes there are some things that cannot be.
Or rather, not meant to be.
How I felt like screaming and shouting to him, telling him that it hurts alot, sometimes...
But my voice will never reach to him.
Well... whenever I said goodbye to him to myself
These goodbyes are not always the last, and they are never true
I still would yearn for him
But I guess this time it's for real.
As some always said:
"True goodbyes are the ones that never said or explained"
I dont really feel like saying goodbye to him anymore
Or rather I dont want to bother about him anymore
My heart is bading farewell to him, secretly.
It's somehow another new beginning of our lives.
After reading Tuesdays with Morrie by Mitch Albom
I get to understand this world clearly, even better
I understood many things.
And I know someday, HE will too.
Just like me. Just someday...
If you love somebody, let them go. If they return, they were always yours. If they don't, they never were - Anonymous Her voices... Where her HEART is...
